Sunday, October 5, 2008

What Happens Tomorrow

It's been a funny ol' week. I was laying in bed this morning thinking about my lot in life and I realised I was actually quite content!

Since Belle's death there hasn't been a lot to be cheerful about as the family has had more deaths, health issues and stress than most people could cope with. I feel as though I've spent the past couple of years walking around with a black cloud hanging over my head; whenever something good has happened it has been swiftly followed by something bad.

Several work colleagues have commented on how happy I seem to be these days, and I know I've been walking around the office with a stupid grin on my face but part of me keeps expecting someone to slap me and tell me enough is enough because I'm not used to things going so well.

I've been to two funerals in the past two weeks, both were 43 when they died and they both leave behind children, which always makes it seem so much worse. The one thing I realised about Jodi and Michael is that they lived their lives while they were alive, they didn't just exist. They spent their time doing the things they wanted to do with the people who meant the most to them.

While I'm hoping not to have to attend another funeral anytime soon it has made me realise that it's important to live each day and not worry about what might happen tomorrow, you just have to deal with things as they arise.

It's time for me to accept that it doesn't dishonour Belle, or what she meant to me, by admitting that there are good things happening in my life - family, friends and relationship wise.

In a fortnight we'll be having my adorable nephew Mason's 'blessing day' celebration at my place and it's something I'm really excited about - I've been testing out some of my recipes on workmates just to make sure they'll be okay to make for the big day! Danielle has ordered a jumping castle for the kids and although I have no idea of the exact numbers I know she has invited almost 100 people (children included) and it's exactly what I had in mind when I bought my house - a place to gather the family around - and I can't wait!

Thanks to the internet, and more specifically Facebook, I have renewed friendships with some important people from my school years and it's wonderful having old friends back in my life - except when they post pictures of me from the 80s with a mullet haircut on the internet (thanks for that Kel).

Which brings me to Aaron. The reason for the stupid grin on my face and the renewed interest in baking (well he's got to take something to work for morning tea doesn't he). Last night Aaron's friend John rang and asked me, ever so politely, if it would be okay if he kept Aaron out a bit longer than initially planned - but he definitely wouldn't be home too late. Apparently if I wasn't happy with that idea they were going to leave immediately! Not long afterwards Aaron rang to let me know he was 'on my way home now'

There were a couple of things that I took out of those conversations;
1. Despite the fact that he hadn't seen his brother in 4 months, or that his friend was down from Sydney for the weekend, he chose to spend the evening with me - even though I had told him several times that he should have a night out with the boys!

2. While it wasn't necessary to ask my permission to stay out longer it was actually quite sweet, and very amusing, to have his friend ring me!

3. The use of the word home. He never said 'I'll be at your place' or 'I'll be there soon' he specifically said I'll be home soon, and his friend also said it - 'he won't be home late'. I like the fact that although we don't live together he considers being with me home.

As for what happens tomorrow... I have no idea but as far as today is concerned I can honestly say I am very happy. There, I've said it!

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